Survival

Well, it's all over. Black Friday has come and gone for those of us crazy enough to go out and battle the crowds for the best Christmas loot. Though things are winding down in the stores, you can be assured that Christmas has now begun in earnest.

This was the first year that I went BF shopping without my sister, or at least a friend. I talked Bart into agreeing to go with me and to pull an ALL-NIGHTER in order to enjoy Thanksgiving at our friends' Jeff and Tara's and then hit Old Navy at midnight, which would be closely followed by Target at 4am. I had my game-plan (sort of) and my list of what we needed to get for everyone. So, we headed down the street to stuff ourselves full of food and settle in to wait for the first strike of midnight.

Unfortunately, during this settling period, Bart, Jeff, Matt and Jesse decided it would a great time to play darts. You know, the mature kind where the losers have to chug a beer or take a shot. And guess whose team lost 6 rounds in a row? That's right. So, I quickly decided to knock Old Navy's opening off of my list so we could focus on Target, because, you know, it's hard to shop with a drunk husband.

This game plan eventually turned into me waking up at 4am so I could order my items online since Bart was drunk and I suddenly couldn't move from the bathroom--but we won't go into details about that portion of my night here. ANY. WAY. In case you all didn't know (because I sure didn't), you can order stuff online for Black Friday, just not the good stuff that you really want. For that, you have to actually get up, get dressed and drag your exhausted and sick butt to the store. Which I did. ALONE. Because Bart was incapacitated. Or passed out, however you want to look at it.

So, I went Black Friday shopping at 4:30am by myself in the big city of Chicago. And you know what? It was horrendous! I got, literally, the last shopping cart in the lobby. All of the fliers were gone and I had forgotten mine. The $30 Christmas tree I was NOT going to lose out on this year? Sold out. At 4:45am. So I got an OK tree for $20. It was wall-to-wall people, and not the nice kind. Can you believe that I saw a lady with her screaming 5 YEAR OLD shopping with her that early? Probably not, because I had a hard time believing it myself and I was there. On a bright note, I DID get the last $12 blow up mattress. The negative? I didn't realize that the air pump was not included until we got home. I even broke into tears at one point because the lady in front of me just stopped moving because, apparently, her brain had melted or something. I'm going to blame the crying on PMS, exhaustion, homicidal feelings, frustration and feeling like poop.

I made it home by 6:30 with a bunch of stuff and woke Bart up with the door bell so he'd have to wake up and help me (bwahahahaha!). Then I got into bed, cried a little more, watched the sun come up, went to sleep, woke up at 10am and got dressed AND WENT BACK OUT SHOPPING! Because I am a Christmas ANIMAL!!!!! No shoppers, pets, husbands (barely), or gift items were harmed during the making of this Black Friday Fiasco.

***Bart has requested that I include the fact that he went out with me at 10 and was helpful. And that he's now cleaning the entire apartment to make up for the "BF Incident." :)

Bleak Friday

I can't believe that, in less than a week, it will be Black Friday. Forget Thanksgiving. That's just they day you carb load before the BIGGEST shopping day of the year. Normally I have my game-plan all figured out. I know exactly which stores I'm going to hit, how long I want to spend at each one, and exactly what I am going to buy for each person on my list.

Not so, this year.

As of right now, I have ONE fool-proof (I think) idea for a gift for ONE person. I have some other ideas, but the only problem is that I can't find any hard evidence anywhere that the items I want will actually be on sale on BF. And lets face it, folks, I'm on a tight budget here. Especially since I now have to figure shipping and handling in with the overall cost of each person's Christmas gift.

Today I went out and bought two--yes, TWO--Sunday papers for the inserts. Here I am thinking that the Black Friday fliers will be included, especially since each paper weighed about 3lbs. But, alas. I was wrong. It was filled up with PRE-Black Friday fliers for the PRE-Black Friday deals. I mean really. You are completely nuts if you think that I am going to take time out of my week to get shoved around by city jerks for NOT SO GREAT--AVERAGE SALES!!!

So, right about now, Black Friday is looking pretty bleak. Who wants to picture themselves standing in a crowded store filled with screaming people while they bite their nails and think, "Gee, I think my sister would like this. But I'm not sure."? I think I am going to have to go out and spend even more money on Thanksgiving for a paper that, I hope, will contain the inserts I want. And hopefully the stores will magically have the items I want at very low prices.

Eyes Are The Windows To The Soul

So last quarter, Bart decided to sign up for an extra class (not cool) in which he learned to photograph the inside and outside of the human eye (cool). It was a really great class for him to take because it a) gives him an "edge" in his C.V. for Residency and b) allowed him to learn to use to state of the art equipment.

Anyway, I was pretty bummed to missing out on--more--time with Bart. That is until he asked me if he could photograph the inside of my left eye. You know, the manky one.

When I was about 5 years old, I was in a "freak accident" at a local fair. I was at the top of a super huge, super slippery slide, when my cousin pushed me. I was having a blast flying down the slide until I saw the bigger girl ahead of me. She had never gotten up from the bottom of the slide and I knew I was going to hit her. And I did. With my forehead. Hard. I was knocked out and when I came to, I had a torn Retina, damaged lens and one hell of an egg on my forehead.

I've had three major surgeries on my eye. My lens was removed due to the severe cataracts that developed as a result of the trauma of the impact. I have a Scleral Buckle and a re-attached Retina. During the last surgery, my ophthalmologist tightened one of the muscles in my left eye to keep it from wandering (lazy eye).

As a result of the lens removal, I became immediately and permanently, legally blind in my left eye. They do corneal/lens transplants now, but I am not eligible for one. Humans don't "learn" to see one image with two eyes until the age of about 7, so my brain never got the chance to do this. I cannot even begin to fathom what it is like to see out of two eyes. The only thing I can imagine is that the average person sees two different parts of one image, separate but together. Kind of like if you put two TVs together and have half of a single picture on each screen.

Anyway, as a result of all of this, I have a huge amount of scar tissue in my left eye, higher eye pressure, which means that I am a "Glaucoma Suspect"--basically it's only a matter of time before I develop Glaucoma and go completely blind in that eye. The nerve that would have allowed me to see is shriveled and underdeveloped. Basically, it's a mess in there. And after going to specialists for 19 years and wondering what these doctors found so interesting inside of my eye, I FINALLY got to see it for myself! (Super cool!). Here they are:

This is my right eye. Nice and healthy, nice and red.

This is my left eye. That big cobweb thing is what Bart thinks is a broken off piece of Vitreous. Scar tissue is clustered around the nerve. What a difference, huh?



I am so glad Bart took this class. I can't even begin to tell you all how awesome it was to see the difference in my eyes; manky and normal.