Family of Two

The month of September has been stressful for Bart and I. We've moved, I wasn't chosen for that great, better paying job I applied for, we had to choose Bart's externship sites for this coming year and...we had a pregnancy scare.

I debated about whether or not to blog about this, since it's not something I'd love to discuss with most of my family back home, but I'd really like to be honest in my blogging, and this is something that has had me riled up for a month. I mean, it's not like it's something to be ashamed of, right?? But that's just it--I have felt like I had to keep this a secret because I have spent my whole life being told how shameful and irresponsible it is to have a baby out of wedlock. Never mind the fact that Bart and I are married, so it's okay at this point. It would STILL be irresponsible.

Anyway, I missed my period last month. The first period I was supposed to have as a married lady. And as I always get my period, I was immediately freaked out and stopped taking my pills. This was definitely NOT something that was planned or wanted right now. All I could think of was the fact that I make pretty much only enough money to support myself and Bart--barely--and Bart only has his school loans. And the fact that we are over 800 miles from home and our families. And that I would NEVER want to raise/be pregnant in/give birth to a child in a city (especially this one). And this wasn't the right time. And, oh so much more.

I told Bart, who immediately freaked out on a heretofore unheard of level, while I tried to keep it together because, obviously, I had to. Someone had to be in control if I was, in fact, pregnant. I then went out, bought two pregnancy tests, and took them within a few days of each other. Both were negative. I waited two days, bought two more tests, took them within a few days of each other, and they were negative. I called my gyno from home, she told me to wait until two weeks after the missed period, buy another pregnancy test, take it, and see what happened. It was negative. If I had known how many of those stupid sticks I would buy and pee on, I would have bought stock in ClearBlue first.

Anyway, at this point, I was about 85% sure that I wasn't pregnant and was more worried that there might be something wrong with me. Bart, however, was still at a constant low-panic and decided he couldn't relax until I had a blood test done to know, one way or the other, for certain. So he scheduled me an appointment (on a day I was home sick from vomiting that morning, no less) with a gyno here in the city. Long story short (ish), we found out that I was, definitely, not pregnant. Thank you, Jesus.

And the craziest part? I was almost disappointed when I found out I wasn't. I mean, clearly, it would have been incredibly hard on us and this is not the situation we would want to bring a child into. But reading those mommy magazines in the waiting room made me wish so hard that this had been the right time. I have known my whole life that I was put on earth to be a mom. I know it will happen--hopefully in the summer/fall of 2012--and the timing will be right. Mainly because we are going to be oh-so-careful after this fiasco. So, for now, we are still (happily) a family of two.

Fight

Bart and I had our first real fight since we got married yesterday. Honestly, with my temper and Bart's way of saying things without thinking, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.

This fight was just awful. Terrible. And it was over something completely stupid (with a bunch of old junk brought up by both of us). And we fought in public. Not super loud and obnoxious fighting, but still, in public. It was embarrassing, but we couldn't help it. And I wished for a while that we weren't married.

That was the most horrible thing about the fight. I felt so angry and hurt over a couple dumb little things that got blown out of proportion, and all I wished was that Bart and I weren't married because now, no matter what, we are together FOREVER. And it was a really scary thing to feel. I just felt so cornered. In the past, I've always had the knowledge that I could, if I wanted to, just walk away from our relationship. Now, I can't.

Of course, after almost an entire day of fighting with each other, we made it through grocery shopping fine (which is usually where we argue, because seriously, who likes grocery shopping?) and by the time we got home and got started on our weekly cleaning, we were hugging (Bart) and crying (me) and apologizing to each other for everything. So it all worked out, in the end. But I am just so frightened of the fact that my first thought at our first fight was, "I wish we weren't married right now." Who thinks that about their husband?? And I love Bart more than anything. What am I going to do if this is what I think of every time we have a fight? Especially if it is a fight over something that actually matters? I don't want my stupidity and stubbornness to ruin my life with him.

Last Weekend

Since we are having a nice, quiet Sunday (after our weekly cleaning of the apartment, of course), I thought that I would share some pictures of the Windy City Wine Festival that Bart and I went to last weekend. He has been talking about taking me to this festival since he moved here last year. What can I say? The boy loves his wine! We arrived a bit late, so I'm sorry that some of the darker pictures came out a bit blurry!

I was excited because we were out together on a beautiful night AND it was cool enough for us to break out our fall/winter sweaters!!! I love this pictures of Bart. You can tell exactly what he was thinking (and what he said immediately after I took the picture)--"Okay, okay. Hurry up and take one! We only have 3 hours to taste all this wine!"
Bart and I were standing in line to taste wines from one of the tents when I noticed that it was getting darker. Then I noticed how beautiful the city lights looked. As much as I am sick of living in Chicago, this is one sight that I will miss seeing when we leave.
There were tons of tents all around the Buckingham Fountain plaza. Besides offering wine, there were some scattered throughout that offered food, candy, wine related products and...CIGARS!!! Bart loves to have a cigar every once in a while. Don't ask me why. But I figure, if his worst habit is smoking a cigar twice a year, I can deal with it.
Bart and I had some really great wines. It was so fun to taste all of the REALLY expensive stuff since it is something that we'll probably never be able to afford. My favorites were two champagnes--Rosa Regale and a cheap one I can't remember the name of that tasted like marzipan. We had such a blast sharing the excitement of the night with each other and then sharing a burger after the festival was over. It was certainly one of the best dates we've had!

Day Off

Since working at the clinic, I am all about the uneventful days off. Maybe this has something to do with me working 6 days a week and at least 10hrs every day except Saturday (4hrs). There is nothing better than a quiet day at home after I wake up with Bart. I get to relax on the couch, watch some crappy television and nap. And don't even get me started on how amazing naps are. Seriously. Am I turning into an old lady this early in life???

Today I slept until a little after 9am, went to the bathroom, and then slept until a quarter to 11. I've been so exhausted since the wedding and moving that I have been unable to catch up on the sleep I missed. Being stressed out all the time because of lack of sleep, amongst other things, doesn't help, either. Pretty sure I am back to where I should be at this point!

Anyway, I have decided to get my hair cut this afternoon to kind of pamper myself a little bit. I haven't had it cut since right before Maria's wedding in May and it's about time it was trimmed. It's so expensive to get a hair cut out here. $50 for a wash, cut and style--and that's just the starting amount. I clearly try to go as little as possible to save money. One benefit from the outrageous salon charges in Chicago is the fact that I've started taking super good care of my hair in between trimmings. I buy Organix shampoo and conditioner, which is a bit more expensive than the Herbal Essences I used to use. I'm not sure if the shampoo is actually organic or not, but I do know that it does not contain ANY sulfites or parabens, which are the things that damage your hair. Parabens are chemicals added to keep the shampoo and conditioner from spoiling, but could be harmful for your health and sulfites (i.e. salt) are added to make shampoo sudsy. It doesn't make sense since suds don't make hair cleaner and salt/sulfites just dry hair out and damage it. Maybe the $50 cut charge isn't too bad considering I learned all of this from my new hairdresser!

Love...

There are so many things I love right now! I'd just like to mention how proud I am that I did not include ONE food item to this list, though Chipotle almost made it. It really should have made it, but shame prevented me. We won't even discuss how many times I've eaten there since we got back from NY...

Anyway, first item: East of the Sun by Julia Gregson. This is another one of my "Bargain Books" from B&N and I loved it. I mean, l.o.v.e.d it. It's about three young British women who are coming of age during the 20s in India. Mystery, love, abduction, and more for only $4.99. What a steal!

Next item: Essie Nail Polish in Starter Wife. Seriously, that is the name. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love a clever turn of phrase or name. Which is why I purchased this polish. To wear on my wedding day--I hope I'm not the only nerd here who thinks this is funny. But I really do LOVE the color. It's feminine and neatens up my nails without making them look totally fake.



My #1 favorite drink (besides water with lemon, of course), is Mr. & Mrs. T's Bold and Spicy Bloody Mary Mix. I. Love. This. Stuff. I drink one glass--virgin--nearly every night after work. I love how it is salty and spicy and it even fools me into thinking I'm filled up, which is fantastic. It's one of the little things that relaxes me. I don't love it with alcohol, though. I can't stand Vodka in it, but beer is okay.

And my latest discovery, Spiced Chai tea. I decided to buy the tea bags after reading East of the Sun since I'd only ever had it from Starbucks and in a powder form. Both were very good, but this tea is great! It gives directions on the side of the box to make it in the more traditional style, which is very sweet and boiled with milk. To be honest, I think the reason I like it so much is because it smells spicy, like Christmas. If that makes no sense to you, I'm sorry, but Christmas DOES smell spicy! No hint of Christmas Tree scent in the tea, though.

September

I always loved September. Even more so now that it doesn't mean I have to go back to school! I love the way the days turn from sultry and hot, to cool and crisp. And the way the apples turn red on the trees and pumpkins turn orange on their vines. I love coming in from a nice, cool walk outdoors to a lovely hot bowl of soup or pasta to warm me up. Is there anything better than curling up on the couch with a blanket and a cup of tea while the wind is whipping the trees outside? I didn't think so.

It has been hard this weekend to rein in my urge to go totally wild with buying autumn stuff. We did get some great decorations that we'll use for future Falls, but we somehow managed to keep from buying apples and caramel until the weather turns cooler. I'm still regretting that little bit of will-power!

I am excited to see what the city will look like during this season. In winter (especially without Christmas decorations up), the city is very dreary, mucky and cold. The warm summer weather and greenery have improved it some. It's just hard to appreciate the changing of the seasons in a big city when one has lived in the country. Especially in Upstate New York. In a little town called Cambridge. Just a short drive from the Green Mountains of Vermont. Can you tell that this weather makes me homesick?

It's another grey, rainy day in Chicago. And I hate it. The only time I love yucky, rainy days are when I get to spend them at home reading a fantastic book and/or watching a great BBC movie. And for the past two rainy days, I've been stuck at work (and on one of those days, I was stuck at work soaking wet, but we won't talk about that...).

Sigh.

The good news is that I have FOUR days off this weekend! F-O-U-R. I cannot begin to tell you how excited this makes me! And Bart has the three day weekend, too. We have big plans to just settle into our apartment, get some things we need, and just snuggle and love each other. How much better could a weekend get, I ask you???

Being married has been so wonderful. Yes, I know we haven't been married a month yet, but I just love it. I find that I am so much more patient with Bart (he's always patient with me, so not much new there) and that I make a much bigger effort to be kind and loving to him because I'm his wife now. I had decided a long time ago that I was going to take my new job as a wife very seriously. And Bart has made it clear that he is taking his job as husband and protector pretty seriously, too. We've found that we work even better than we used to at being a team, that we feel so much more selfless toward each other, and that we want to give as much as we can to our spouse to make him/her a better person. I know we will keep this up every day throughout our marriage. Maybe not all day everyday, but everyday.