This Was My Day...

I am a receptionist.  

Apparently, this means that all I do alllll day long is have meaningless conversations with patients.  

Patient 1

Old Man:  Do you have anything to eat back there?

Me:  What?  Like a cafeteria?

Old Man:  Do you have anything to eat??

Me:  (Looking behind me) Like in the room back there?

Old Man:  Yeah.

Me:  Um, no.  That is where the people taking appointments are.  We have vending machines by the windows behind you.

Old Man:  Do YOU have any food?  Like your lunch.  You must have lunch.  

Me:  I didn't bring my lunch today? (Question mark because I have NO idea what we are talking about at this point.)

Old Man:  What about her? (pointing to my coworker) She looks like she brought something.

Me:  You have to use the vending machines.  I'm sorry.  If anyone here brought food, it is because they need to eat it for their own lunch.

Old Man:  I don't want to put a dollar in those machines!  Do you have a dollar I can have?

Me:  No!

Patient 2

Me:  Okay, I'll just need to see your referral, your ID and your insurance cards.

Lady:  I didn't bring my referral.  I don't know where my ID is.  I don't have insurance.

Me:  Ma'am, we can't see you without your ID because you're new.  And your insurance won't pay for your visit without the referral.

Lady:  I don't have insurance.

Me:  Well, how do you pay for your medical care?

Lady:  I don't.

Me:  You have to pay something.  Do you pay cash?  Do you have a Medicare card?

Lady:  I don't have insurance and I don't pay anything to see the doctor!!!

Me:  Ma'am, you have to have insurance to see the doctor who referred you here. 

Lady:  No.

( In case you're wondering, YES, the lady had insurance.  We had it faxed over, along with the referral, from her medical doctor)

Patient 3

Lady:  Can I use this phone to call my home?

Me:  Of course!  Just dial 8 to get the outside line.

Lady:  Dial 9?

Me:  No, 8.

Lady:  Dial 1?

Me: ...?

And that's about when my brain melted.