Family of Two

The month of September has been stressful for Bart and I. We've moved, I wasn't chosen for that great, better paying job I applied for, we had to choose Bart's externship sites for this coming year and...we had a pregnancy scare.

I debated about whether or not to blog about this, since it's not something I'd love to discuss with most of my family back home, but I'd really like to be honest in my blogging, and this is something that has had me riled up for a month. I mean, it's not like it's something to be ashamed of, right?? But that's just it--I have felt like I had to keep this a secret because I have spent my whole life being told how shameful and irresponsible it is to have a baby out of wedlock. Never mind the fact that Bart and I are married, so it's okay at this point. It would STILL be irresponsible.

Anyway, I missed my period last month. The first period I was supposed to have as a married lady. And as I always get my period, I was immediately freaked out and stopped taking my pills. This was definitely NOT something that was planned or wanted right now. All I could think of was the fact that I make pretty much only enough money to support myself and Bart--barely--and Bart only has his school loans. And the fact that we are over 800 miles from home and our families. And that I would NEVER want to raise/be pregnant in/give birth to a child in a city (especially this one). And this wasn't the right time. And, oh so much more.

I told Bart, who immediately freaked out on a heretofore unheard of level, while I tried to keep it together because, obviously, I had to. Someone had to be in control if I was, in fact, pregnant. I then went out, bought two pregnancy tests, and took them within a few days of each other. Both were negative. I waited two days, bought two more tests, took them within a few days of each other, and they were negative. I called my gyno from home, she told me to wait until two weeks after the missed period, buy another pregnancy test, take it, and see what happened. It was negative. If I had known how many of those stupid sticks I would buy and pee on, I would have bought stock in ClearBlue first.

Anyway, at this point, I was about 85% sure that I wasn't pregnant and was more worried that there might be something wrong with me. Bart, however, was still at a constant low-panic and decided he couldn't relax until I had a blood test done to know, one way or the other, for certain. So he scheduled me an appointment (on a day I was home sick from vomiting that morning, no less) with a gyno here in the city. Long story short (ish), we found out that I was, definitely, not pregnant. Thank you, Jesus.

And the craziest part? I was almost disappointed when I found out I wasn't. I mean, clearly, it would have been incredibly hard on us and this is not the situation we would want to bring a child into. But reading those mommy magazines in the waiting room made me wish so hard that this had been the right time. I have known my whole life that I was put on earth to be a mom. I know it will happen--hopefully in the summer/fall of 2012--and the timing will be right. Mainly because we are going to be oh-so-careful after this fiasco. So, for now, we are still (happily) a family of two.