Fight

Bart and I had our first real fight since we got married yesterday. Honestly, with my temper and Bart's way of saying things without thinking, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.

This fight was just awful. Terrible. And it was over something completely stupid (with a bunch of old junk brought up by both of us). And we fought in public. Not super loud and obnoxious fighting, but still, in public. It was embarrassing, but we couldn't help it. And I wished for a while that we weren't married.

That was the most horrible thing about the fight. I felt so angry and hurt over a couple dumb little things that got blown out of proportion, and all I wished was that Bart and I weren't married because now, no matter what, we are together FOREVER. And it was a really scary thing to feel. I just felt so cornered. In the past, I've always had the knowledge that I could, if I wanted to, just walk away from our relationship. Now, I can't.

Of course, after almost an entire day of fighting with each other, we made it through grocery shopping fine (which is usually where we argue, because seriously, who likes grocery shopping?) and by the time we got home and got started on our weekly cleaning, we were hugging (Bart) and crying (me) and apologizing to each other for everything. So it all worked out, in the end. But I am just so frightened of the fact that my first thought at our first fight was, "I wish we weren't married right now." Who thinks that about their husband?? And I love Bart more than anything. What am I going to do if this is what I think of every time we have a fight? Especially if it is a fight over something that actually matters? I don't want my stupidity and stubbornness to ruin my life with him.